May Things
adult friendships, pretty sights, and mural-painting
Hello there lovely readers!
Perhaps because I associate May with the end of the school year, I always quite like May. It feels like New Years to me — the ending of winter/spring, the beginning of summer! Bright and lively and exciting. In the spirit of New Years, this morning I made a summer bingo card for myself. My hope is that this bingo card will help me focus my time on the things that I actually want to do! — like paint on a big canvas! And hold a headstand in yoga! You know, important things. :)
Here’s what I’ve been up to this month ⤵
DID:
May was all about friendship!
We went on a few trips this month with friends from different phases of our lives, and it’s got me thinking about friendship.
Years ago, I posted an anonymous “ask me anything” question box on my Instagram (never again). I was surprised that the most commonly asked question was “How do you have so many friends?”
In grade school, high school and the beginning of college, I never really was a part of a tight group of friends like you see in the movies. I wanted to have a close group of friends, to feel that sure belonging, but I naturally ebbed and flowed between groups. Often, although I consider myself an extrovert, I was on the fringes — an observer of social dynamics and relationships, not quite the center of attention. It was easier for me to gravitate towards the outskirts, the corners.
I used to think something was wrong with me, like I wasn’t “cool” enough to be part of the “in” group, even if I was physically present. I’ve since learned that nothing is inherently wrong, I am simply… a writer. :) Being on the edge of things, observing and analyzing, helps me to create art and write about universal human experiences that other people might not notice.
In my last years in college, instead of trying to be a part of everything everywhere all at once, I subconsciously shifted to prioritize quality over quantity when it came to my friendships. I still observed and analyzed, but I noticed the people who genuinely cared for me. I found myself able to relax more easily into these friendships — to trust that they loved and accepted me for who I was, and weren’t going to abandon me or leave me out.
One of my friends, shortly after graduating high school, told me she was “done making friends.” I can understand feeling like that, like you’re established and ready to go. I think it works for some people, but it’s hard for me to feel “done” like that. I’ve tried to be intentional about maintaining a posture of openness to receive new friendships into my life.
There is so much to say about adult friendship — making friends as an adult can be tricky. Add to that, being married! Making friends as a couple is another layer of adult friendship dynamics! For how common having friends is, there is surprisingly not much research or guidance about the complexities of these chosen non-romantic relationships. Should I write a whole post about this?
All that being said, this month, it was fun to spend time with friends from different phases of my life. High school, college, our time in Texas, old colleagues, and new friends from this year. With a few years of distance, it’s interesting to see how friendships evolve. Some friends have kids, others are traveling the world, some are making big moves in their careers. We might not have the day-to-day conversations like we used to, but they evolve and grow into something beautiful and uniquely their own.
SAW:
Speaking of friends, I saw a lot of sights with friends this month!
Doing an arch in front of the iconic Delicate Arch:
Soft pink blooms by our beach house in Port Aransas:
This MASSIVE pizza, that was equally beautiful and delicious:
READ:
I have been intrigued by Sheila Heti’s Alphabetical Diaries since I first heard of the concept of her confessional-autofiction-type book. She took ten years worth of her personal journals, entered them sentence by sentence into a spreadsheet, and then alphabetized the sentences A-Z.
The book has no paragraphs, no explanations, no coherent storyline, just an alphabetized record of a decade of life. Common character names and themes come up, but as a reader, you have no idea what came first, and what came last. It feels like… thought.
As humans, we are so used to things being sorted chronologically, that seeing all of these sentences organized in a new way made me wonder about the passing of, and illusion of, time. What thoughts and fears and hopes do I have now that I also had ten years ago? Have I really changed as much as I’d like to think I have? What would my diaries say, over and over?
I appreciate authors who take liberties and play with form, and so I really enjoyed this read.
DRAW:
The beginning of this month was spent painting florals, birds, and fruit on the wall of my dear friend’s little girl’s room. A delight!
I’d love to hear about what you are doing/seeing/reading/drawing!
I've had an essay on women friendships in adulthood (especially for introverted writers) ruminating for almost a year now. I've wondered if my thoughts were worth putting out there.
That pizza was perfection