As someone who is still trying to sort and the “and’s” of my faith expansion and upbringing, your perspective is helpful. I remember feeling completely broken AND transformed on my mission. I felt more shame and self doubt than at most points in my life, but it was also there that I deepened my compassion and love for people in general. I learned valuable lessons about myself (that I wasn’t willing to accept yet) AND experienced some very negative experiences with patriarchy. What I’m trying to say is that it takes a spiritual maturity to see the value in everything life has to offer. Thanks for your thoughtful post!
I totally resonate with this… there have been some painful parts and beautiful parts of being a part of this religion. The word “and”has been a lifesaver! Trying to figure out what to do with it all moving forward. 💛
I felt every word gf! I left two years ago when my oldest was just entering young women’s. The grief was all-consuming. I hated the institution for not being able to contain my questions, concerns and nuances. It felt like I was pushed out no matter how hard I tried to make it work. At the same time, I desperately wanted my daughter to have all the best parts (and none of the bad). She did attend for a while with my husband but that got tricky. I grieve what she will miss out on, I grieve that we couldn’t make it work. Feels like I’m always battling the paradoxes in my head and heart and just trying to sit in them and not let them send me into a shame spiral (heaven knows I’ve done so much of that). I think the “and” is SO important. I haven’t really “arrived” at any destination either…and some Sundays I still struggle, wishing there wasn’t a little hole in my heart. I really loved what you wrote about Jesus. So beautiful.
Lindsay I feel this so deeply <3 I think it would be so hard to be going through this when it is already a huge part of your family's life and routine. The grief is real, and it comes and it goes. It is comforting to know that so many people don't feel like they've "arrived yet" -- it's hard to go from such a strong conviction that you are on the "right side" and have all the answers to feeling like, in some ways, you are starting from scracth. Sometimes it feels hard to hold it all, and have that little hole in your heart on Sundays (I know it too well). I'm right there with you. <3
I’m so glad to have found you! I find it rare to find people who have left the church but still want some part of Jesus in their life. I look forward to reading your thoughts.
As someone who is still trying to sort and the “and’s” of my faith expansion and upbringing, your perspective is helpful. I remember feeling completely broken AND transformed on my mission. I felt more shame and self doubt than at most points in my life, but it was also there that I deepened my compassion and love for people in general. I learned valuable lessons about myself (that I wasn’t willing to accept yet) AND experienced some very negative experiences with patriarchy. What I’m trying to say is that it takes a spiritual maturity to see the value in everything life has to offer. Thanks for your thoughtful post!
I totally resonate with this… there have been some painful parts and beautiful parts of being a part of this religion. The word “and”has been a lifesaver! Trying to figure out what to do with it all moving forward. 💛
I felt every word gf! I left two years ago when my oldest was just entering young women’s. The grief was all-consuming. I hated the institution for not being able to contain my questions, concerns and nuances. It felt like I was pushed out no matter how hard I tried to make it work. At the same time, I desperately wanted my daughter to have all the best parts (and none of the bad). She did attend for a while with my husband but that got tricky. I grieve what she will miss out on, I grieve that we couldn’t make it work. Feels like I’m always battling the paradoxes in my head and heart and just trying to sit in them and not let them send me into a shame spiral (heaven knows I’ve done so much of that). I think the “and” is SO important. I haven’t really “arrived” at any destination either…and some Sundays I still struggle, wishing there wasn’t a little hole in my heart. I really loved what you wrote about Jesus. So beautiful.
Lindsay I feel this so deeply <3 I think it would be so hard to be going through this when it is already a huge part of your family's life and routine. The grief is real, and it comes and it goes. It is comforting to know that so many people don't feel like they've "arrived yet" -- it's hard to go from such a strong conviction that you are on the "right side" and have all the answers to feeling like, in some ways, you are starting from scracth. Sometimes it feels hard to hold it all, and have that little hole in your heart on Sundays (I know it too well). I'm right there with you. <3
I’m so glad to have found you! I find it rare to find people who have left the church but still want some part of Jesus in their life. I look forward to reading your thoughts.
Aw, that means so much to me! 💛💛 I’m glad you’re here!