Seeing bigger, wider, fuller

May's spiritual seed // Perspective as a principle of joy

Something for Sundays is a reader-supported publication about disentangling Mormonism without giving up on God, and exploring spiritual growth. Thank you for being here!!! To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Paid subscribers receive monthly Spiritual Seeds, and my more sensitive/personal posts.

Hey all!

I am two days late… forgive me!!! Something for… Tuesdays?

In my “faith deconstruction,” (lately those words don’t feel adequate for my experience, but alas, you know what I mean) it felt like all the pieces of my spirituality, identity, traditions, and faith were torn to pieces and sprawled on the floor around me. It was a whole mess. I couldn’t help but look at it all and think: Okay… I’ve “deconstructed”… now what?

This now what? is a question I think about often.

What do you do when society, your religion, your worldview is not the way that you thought it was? As I began looking more critically at my born-and-raised LDS religion, I began looking more critically at everything else, too. Politics, social media, societal structures, insurance, health care, nutrition, news outlets, Hollywood, history… everything. It was like the dam had burst open and I could no longer just enjoy my little spot on the river.

It has become hard for me to form opinions about things because I think I need to know all of the information before making any stance. And, as I’ve learned in the last two years, what if I’m completely wrong? What if I’m not seeing the whole picture? What if I change my mind?

I can feel this shift and this distrust happening on a personal level, but also on a larger societal level in the religious, political, and everyday spheres. On both sides of the political spectrum, in nearly all religions, many of us are looking at institutions more critically, and often, for good reason. It can feel heavy.

Interestingly, as I have navigated this “deconstruction space” of the internet and beyond, I have noticed a new sort of dogma that ex-Mormon people seem to cling to. It’s an insatiable, unresolvable bitterness toward the church and sometimes its members. For “negative” changes the church makes, there is backlash, and “positive” changes the church makes, there’s still backlash.

It seems that people are finally allowing themselves to feel the anger and hurt that has come from unnecessary shame perpetuated by the doctrine and culture of the Church (whether intentionally or not!). After years of mental gymnastics and cognitive dissonance, acknowledging your hurt can feel brave. When you feel this anger and are validated in it, it can be intoxicating, and I’ve seen people, even years and YEARS after leaving, who continue to drink in the anger validation until it consumes them.

When I’m talking about “these people,” I’m really talking about me — I’ve felt that bitterness and anger, it’s very real and necessary for growth and healing. Anger has revealed to me what is important to me. But after two years into this, I noticed that it’s almost like I traded one certainty for another — participating in the dogma of Ex-Mormonism, not really progressing or moving forward, just switching teams.

I’m holding onto Sarah Bessey’s words in Jesus Feminist and making an effort to “learn the difference between critical thinking and being just plain critical.”

Perhaps this is why The Book of Joy (which I wrote about more here!) felt like fresh oxygen after I had spent time engulfed in flames.

In this book, two great spiritual leaders Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu share what they have learned about joy. They ended up narrowing it down to eight principles. Four were qualities of the mind: perspective, humility, humor, acceptance. Four were qualities of the heart: forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity.

When I began to read their conversations around these principles of joy, I felt a little spark. YES - this is what I’ve been needing. A reminder of the basics. Connection, thinking outside of yourself, integrity, forgiveness, generosity, acceptance, humility… these basic principles were what I loved to be reminded of in regular church attendance.

Because I want my Spiritual Seeds to be ideas on how to rebuild and re-grow after a faith crisis, I want to spend the rest of the year exploring these eight principles of joy. We happen to have eight months left of the year, so it seems like it’s meant to be. :)

In my little corner of the internet of life-after-deconstruction, I’ve decided that if I am going to add anything to this world, I want it to be hopeful, honest, and yes… joyful.

Today I want to share some thoughts about the first quality of joy: perspective.